Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
