road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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