Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
