Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
