So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
