did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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