Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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