Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's rum buckets o'clock
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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