At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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