Dual....:-)
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
