Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
