i can't believe i had my finger in that
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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