I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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