so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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