I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
