I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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