I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
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I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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