hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
