my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
