He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
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I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
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Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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