i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
