So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
