I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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