mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
