life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
