were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
