Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
