It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
