There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
