I showed him my bush... on skype.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
