TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize