Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
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No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
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Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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