I wanna bring you to show and tell
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I am spending my child support on dildos
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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