i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
