I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So squirting runs in the family.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
