You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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