be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
