Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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