i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
