Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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