dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
