I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
