i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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