I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
