So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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