she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
tell me about the eggs
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
