what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
