even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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