Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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