HIV tests are more positive than that guy
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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