just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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