the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize