i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
