The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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