Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
