Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
