i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
