I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
