Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
