ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
