i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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