What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
