If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
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It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
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He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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