let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
