If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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