She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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