I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
