Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize