You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
