I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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