Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
